Top Topical Halloween Costumes

So many good options this year!

Newsweek. Dress as a ghost and if anyone asks, murmur sadly about the “transition to digital.”

Poorly restored Jesus fresco. (This one is a popular choice, but it's a great idea. Here's how to do it right.)

Miley Cyrus's style evolution. Show up as a fully clothed tween. Leave as a pantsless Draco Malfoy.

Joe Biden + Paul Ryan make a great couples costume, if you are a couple with serious problems. Have one of the pair constantly chuckle and express disbelief and the other drink constantly from a giant water bottle and blink less often than they should.

Inevitable bacon shortage. This is everyone's worst nightmare. Dress as bacon. Insist, midway through the party, that you don't feel so good and maybe, just maybe, no one will ever see you again.

Clint Eastwood and Invisible Obama. This is a great couples costume if you are a couple of one. All you need is a chair and dozens of people so excited to see a celebrity who is not Jon Voigt that they say yes to everything you propose.

Honey Boo Boo. For bonus scares, dress up as someone who finds the TV show to be an offensive caricature. Then you can have the following interaction.

“Hey! I'm Honey Boo Boo!”

“Hey! I'm someone who finds the show to be exploitative and reprehensible!”

(Silence, angry stares.)

Own a string instrument? Dress up as the string soloist for “Call Me Maybe.”

Undecided voter. I have no idea how to dress up as one of these because I don't know who they are, what they look like, what they want, or anything about them. Neither does anyone else. Just dress as a unicorn.

Binder full of women makes a great group costume. If you can't gin up a group in time, just go as a loose leaf. A loose leaf is just like a regular leaf, but sexier. This also fills the unstated requirement of women's costumes that they be sexy. Bring reinforcements in case you fall out. For added sexiness, bring sheet protectors.

iPhone 5. Be cool and alarmingly skinny, but not quite as cool as everyone was hoping.

Short dress and cat ears. When people ask “Are you a Sexy cat?” respond, “No! I'm a woman who is conforming to societal expectations of what her costume should look like.” As they blink at you, disoriented, add, “It's a commentary.”

Swing state. Dress in purple. Show up with one candidate, leave with another. Demand constant attention.

Arlen Spectre. (Too soon?)

Female anatomy, according to Todd Akin. Dress as an angry squiggle that eats anything that threatens it. Constantly approach men demanding that they regulate you.